Life is a Journey

This was the original name of my BLOG then I changed it for some reason I can't remember.  This last few months we have had quite the journey.  Because my blog is a place for me to go back and remember the fun things that we have done I don't like writing about the bad/ hard things.  But sometimes re reading the tough times makes us stronger as we realize what we can overcome right?

Moving to Houston has had so many challenges.  I'm really struggling here.  I get lost on a daily biases.  While I know some really nice people and we have some AMAZING friends that have gone above and beyond at being so kind to us.  I have such a hard time putting myself out there, and feel so alone at times.

I love living closer to Ryans sister and her darling family.  The only problem is it's still pretty far and I'm terrified to drive there.  I hate being afraid it's so crippling.

Trevor has had major migraines since we have been here.  Our pediatrician sent me to a Neurologist.  And I feel so blessed to have found such an amazing one.  She had him do a MRI just making sure it wasn't a brain tumor and it was such a relief to see their wasn't anything there.  They put him on this strong medicine which has helped some but it makes him sick and now he throws up a lot.  Then he gets a migraine that makes him so mean and  he just want to lock himself up in a dark room.  Which makes him depressed.  Then he misses so much school so his grades suffer and it's been a vicious cycle.  I've tried everything.  From taking out foods he was allergic to as a child, to chiropractic help (which did help) a cranial sac-rial Dr.  Which was an amazing experience, oils that help a ton.  But they keep coming back and I'm at my wits end of how to fix this. I hate seeing my children suffer it KILLS me.  The hardest part is we think it's stress.  This kid has had such a tough year.

Josh keeps getting sick and has been coming home with these huge bruises.  1st I was concerned that kids were hurting him at school.  While there is some school yard bullies going on it's more of him jumping out of a swing, or tripping when they play ball.  So I took him into the dr a day he woke up with a bad sore throat and this will be his 2nd sinus infection this year.  (looks like he takes after his Mom)  they too were concerned of the look of his bruises and wanted to test him for leukemia.  The would be the 2nd time he was tested.  When he was a baby they thought he could possibly have leukemia. So it really freaked me out.  After a long long week the dr. went out of town after they did the test.  I was relieved to know it's not leukemia.  He does have some other blood issues and they sent me to a specialist to figure everything out.  But it's noting to scary.

Gavin comes home from school telling me he has no friends and wants to move back to Round rock.  He had such sweet friends there. And while I know it all takes time.  We have had so many thing we are going through that these things have been so tough.

 Ryan got a new job still in Microsoft so he has to finish out his year with his old job and still do his new job.  Two jobs that require so much detailed work so he has been up until 1:00 and gets up at 7:00 to start all over again.  He's exhausted I feel so bad and we all miss seeing him.

Recently we found out that my sweet SIL Beverly my brother Mikes wife who was diagnosed with Cancer in June wasn't going to be able to beat this battle.  The Chemo, and radiation wasn't working and the tumor was in fact still growing.  The have removed it twice and the cancer has spread all throughout her body.  Her Daughter Kara was on a mission in England and she came home to help with the younger two girls. The neighborhood was putting on a fun run for her and BYU was letting her graduate early so I wanted to go down to UT and see my SIL one last time.  It was such a tough trip.  I cried that night as we were packing as just as we were getting the car packed Ryans Dad called us as he just had a MRI.  The news was devastating as they found a brain tumor the size of a lemon. And at that time they told him it was Cancer.  It takes a lot for Ryan to break down but that night we just collapsed and sobbed.   It's to much.  Ryans Dad is our rock.  He's such an amazing man and here we were already going to say goodbye to someone we love so much and see how bad Cancer destroys. To hear he's going to have to go through this was unbearable. I told Ryan we shouldn't go.  I just could't face it.  And he being the wonderful person that he is insisted and thought it would just what we needed.

We loaded up the car with the kids packed like sardines making sure they had a lot of activities to keep them entertained.  They had no clue what we were in for.  The 23hr drive.  After about 7 1/2 and realizing we are still in TX reality hit in that this was going to be LONG!!!  We were so excited to see New Mexico and just be in a different state.  But man New Mexico is the most boring, longest drive ever.    The kid had panic attacks as we were driving in the desert and the WiFi wouldn't work.  The are we there yet had now turned into how long until the WiFi works again?  We pushed it as far as we could and stopped in Albuquerque.  The weirdest Motel ever.  The room had 3 queen beds all in a row.  Trevor was thrilled because he is usually the unlucky one that has to sleep on the floor.  Only because he sleeps like a wild man and no one wants to lay by him and get kicked all night.  The kids love staying in hotels.  They are always so excited for some odd reason.  To bad it was FREEZING and we didn't get to swim.

We piled them in the car before they were fully awake so they wouldn't fight us for another full day of driving.

On the 2nd day of our journey Ryan's Dad called us with some good news.  While he still had a tumor and was having surgery that next week.  It wasn't Cancer.  We were so relieved and felt so blessed to get such great news.

Finally we made it to my brother Shons house late that next night so ready to be out of a car. It was so good to see all the family and I got to spend some quality time with my brothers.  I don't usually get to see them as often because they live up North and we usually stay in Southern UT.  The boys did so well.  They were the best they have ever been.  No fights, no winning, (except from me).  It's me that hates being in the car I discovered.  I can't sit still, and get sick so I go crazy.

We spent a few days with Ryans sister Cheryl and her cute family.  We don't get to see them often and her kids are about as sweet as they come.  And we took the boys around BYU  showing them our old stomping grounds.

The next day I got to go and see Beverly.  She looked so good.  Considering.  We laughed and talked about her goals and wishes for her family.  She was so at peace with what was about to come.  I was truly inspired by her strength.  


The 5k was amazing it was so wonderful to see so many people come and support Mike's family.  They have a wonderful neighborhood and ward family.  My sweet friend Teri came with her cute family and Ryans Sister Cheryl came with her two girls.  I was so grateful.  It was freezing, early and a Saturday not a easy thing to come to.  I felt so blessed to have some support as well.

As we had to say goodbye and head back I couldn't look at Beverly.  She looked so happy and blessed to have so many people around her.  I wanted to remember her that way and I didn't want to say goodbye.
As I hugged her I couldn't let go. My heart felt that if I just didn't let go she wouldn't die.  Ryan practically had to pry me off of her.  She just kept telling me.  Remember this isn't good bye it's a see you soon.

I feel so blessed that I got to see Bev before she passed away.  All she wanted to do was make it to her graduation and then celebrate her last birthday.  I'm grateful the lord let her fulfill her last goals.  She passed away May 3rd.

While I'm not looking forward to the funeral and know this weekend is going to be one of the hardest ones I've had to face.  I don't like flying alone.  Being away from my children. (especially on Mothers day) And I have to go bury someone I love deeply.  And hurting for my brother and his family.

But Beverley has been such a good example of how we can do hard things.  With the help of our Savior who carries us when we can no longer carry our selves.  I'm so grateful for my Savior.  For my testimony in the gospel.  For the love and guidance he has given me.  And for the blessing of the people he places into my life to help lift me up.