I hate WATER!!!

Today one of my worst fears came true. I'm super paranoid around water. I've had a cousin that drown, it rocked my family pretty hard. We had a sweet little girl in our ward drown, and my mom's best friends grandson drown. All extremely lasting effects on my fear of water and kids. I've had Gavin in swim lessons for two months and I always put the older boys in for two weeks. With it being hot here in Texas the only relief you can get is to go to the pool. I'm like a hawk and stay right next to Gavin but I turn my back for two seconds and there he goes. Sinks to where I had to jump in and save him. I don't even know how long he was under but he was gasping for air and crying super hard after I pulled him out. I've been shaking ever since. A couple of years ago I had to save Josh in the lake when he had his life jacket on he wouldn't let go of a rock he wanted and it was keeping him under. I kept the rock and I'll never forget that moment. I'm sure glad they are both OK. But that's two times to many. It makes me even more worried about the water.
Gavin's been hanging on to me all day saying. "you saved me." I'm sure glad it turned out the way it did. I love these little guys more then I can ever express. My heart is full of gratitude I get to be a Mom to some pretty amazing kids. I hope I can always keep them safe.