Parenting.

My Mom and I were chatting the other day.  She was telling me the things she would say and do to her children (like I wasn't there or didn't know)  So I said " I know you always said that."  To which she replied "so what are you saying I was a bad Mother."   I think she is a great Mom. 

  And I know all Mom's feel at one time of another that they need VAST improvement on the parenting techniques.   I'm always reading self help books, my two favorite are Have a new kid by Friday, and The Love and Logic's method. (when I actual use the techniques we all get along so much better)  I learned I was a helicopter and drill Sargent parent.  And I'm a screamer like my Mom.  I know this is something I need lots and lots of improvement on. I have to re train myself to get out of the bad habits that we all have gotten into.  Like the back sass from the boys and then the yelling from me.
  I also have alot of family who likes to throw in their two cents. While I don't mind advice, It's usually a criticize of  the things I already beat my self up on.  Which never makes the situation any easier!!

 I know that's where alot of my stress is as I am constantly second guessing if I made the right choice?  Did I do the right thing? I rack myself with guilt when I can't be at 3 places at once and I have to disappoint someone by not being able to make their activity.  Or be their home room Mom, etc. Or when I've yelled and lost my temper when they pushed the boundaries.

  I've learned you never know what the true situation is unless you are in it.  I had all these expectations of how I was going to parent.  Being the youngest of 5 and my first nephew was born when I was 5.  I got to see my siblings parent.  I wanted to take all the things that I liked that they did and incorporate it into how I parent.  Then I had kids.  And the answers were not always that easy.  Nor were my kids.  I got a very curious, active little boy who was always pushing his boundaries.  I had to sleep with one eye open never knowing what he was going to get into next.  It was TOUGH!!!

 I feel like by the time I know how to parent one stage they grow into another.

And as they get older their problems become bigger and it's  harder to see them struggle through it.  Trevor's had a few tough situations that have kept me on my knees. I had many times where I held him until late in the night letting him cry himself to sleep.  My heart breaking each time and having all the strength in me not to want to bop the person that has hurt him so much.

 It's so hard as a parent to know when to step in and when they just need to figure it out on their own.

Last year with Josh was a rough one.  He would come home and tell me a child was being mean to him but Ryan and I was just try to give him some tools to use to help him. Thinking we all get teased.   Once I found out from another kid how bad it was I was riddled in Guilt for not stepping in sooner.  Now he's still paying for his rough year.  My sweet little boy shut down.  His grades started slipping and he was not his happy go lucky self.  It's been a huge battle to build him back up from this.  And every time I see that sadness in his eyes I so desperately wish I could just have a magic wand to fix it.  Man that magic wand would of came in so handy so many times.

And my little guys is so sensitive.  He gets his heart broken so easily. (just like his Mom)  It kills me when I see those big elephant tears and know of the pain he is in because  I felt that way so may times myself.  I wish I could teach him how to be tough and strong and not let things get to you.  But I haven't even learned that lesson my self.  So it's something we are working on together.


  I always tell my children they can be what ever they want when they grow up I'll be proud of what ever profession they choose. But the one thing I do care about more then anything is that they are good people. Kind and considerate of the people around them. Honest and loyal, and most of all righteous.  I want my family for eternity. And no matter what I love them unconditionally.

I miss the days when they would scrape their knee and a little kiss with a band aid made it all better.  Now we are going into the teen years and I pray with all my heart I can help guide and direct my boys into make good choices.  It's so hard watching them grow up.  But I'm so grateful I get to be on this journey with them.  I love being a Mom.  And I adore and love these boys with all my heart.

Christmas just before we moved to TX. Gavin was only 2 months old.  And such a chunk.  Trevor kept saying please Mom can Josh hold him he's so heavy. 

I love this picture of Josh.  He always had a smile.  Such a easy going baby/toddler.

Love when they get along.

Gavin.  Or a mini Josh.  They look so much alike.

Little Joshy with his curly hair and big squishy cheeks.  Couldn't kiss those enough. 

Trevor always wanted to put his head up to my belly and hear his new baby brother. 

I have good kids.  They are sweet boys.  I adore them more then they will ever know or understand.  They are my life.  Everything I do is for them.  From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed my day consists of making sure my kids are on the right track.  I wouldn't trade being a Mom for anything.  And while it's the hardest job in the world.  It's the most rewarding one.  Nothings better then seeing my kids smile, sharing in their life experiences both triumphs and trials.  These three boys are such a blessing and a joy.