The lessons we learn.

July was a blurr. I had a my surgery the end of June which killed the whole month.  Most of it on pain killers so I can't remember much. I knew the recovery would be hard but I didn't realize it would be this bad. It took me alot longer then I wanted and I'm still pretty frustrated at the things I can't do.  But I've learned a few great lessons along the way.


1.  I'm more then blessed to have such an amazing Husband. I already knew he was pretty great but he was such a wonderful care giver. Ryan has never been one that is "over protective" but this time he sure was. I couldn't even move with out him by my side seeing what I needed. He was so gentle when I freaked out when my steri strips stated coming off. He stripped my tubes (GROSS) and didn't even flinch when he saw my big disfiguring scar. He's also has let me cry on his shoulder many times when I was so discouraged that I couldn't even get on the bed, go to the bathroom or even shower by myself.. He put his foot down many times when I tried to do something and even planned for our oldest to go and spend time with his Grandparents with out me even knowing it. While I was annoyed at the time it turned out to be a great experience and I was so grateful he saw we would need more help then I thought and just took care of it. He endured our house full of my family for months and didn't complain once. Not only did he not complain but he took them out and entertained everyone all while trying to juggle taking care of me, the boys, and working. He's pretty incredible. I learned I  don't know what I did to be lucky enough to have him as my husband. But I'm dang glad I did it.  

2. My family rocks.  My Mom was AMAZING. I couldn't walk, eat, even lay down for three straight weeks.  It was Horrible.  And My Mom just swooped in took over with the kids and me.I hope I have energy like her when I am her age. She is like the energizer bunny she just kept on going and going.   I would of never got through this with out her.   Not to mention my Sisters coming to help out.  I'm not one to just sit down and have people do things for me so their job wasn't easy.  I over did it a few times and really paid for it the next day so there was alot of  (yelling at me) involved.  Yelling and bossing but out of love and concern.   I will always be so grateful for them putting their life on hold to come help me get back on my feet.  I always knew my family was great but I learned when they say what ever you need I'll be there they really mean it.  They even put up with my OCD and cleaned the house the way I like it.  Even though my Mom said I need to stop killing my self and a little dirt doesn't hurt.  It was nice  that she knew what really bugged me and took care of it with out me having to ask. 
My sweet Dad even learned to Text and called and text ed me everyday to make sure I was doing well.  I'm sure he wore a hole in the carpet pacing back and forth until he could come up here and see I was doing well with his own eyes.  Sure love that man.

   Also my In laws and sweet brother and sister in law took my oldest for 15 days.  It was so nice not having to worry about him. Knowing he was in good hands and he had such a great time.  I learned I need to learn to let go of him a little. He was such a hard child when he was young.  He was so hyper and liked to push his limits.  But he's growing up and turning into such a incredible young man. When the opportunity presents itself he will rise to the occasion, and I need to let him have those opportunities..


3.  I didn't want  ANYONE to know.  In fact I didn't even tell Ryan for a while but I couldn't hide it when I had to ask for some help with taking Gavin to school and all the Dr. visits.  Then I had to start canceling things with friends and felt guilty not explaining why.  So once I told one or two people it spread like wildfire.  I'm such a private person in so many ways and HATE being the center of attention.  And asking for help is NOT something I ever like to do.  So when the compassionate service person (sweetest person ever) in my church kept asking me what I needed and I kept saying Nothing I'm good.  Ryan sat me down and said " this may be a great opportunity  to get to know other people and show you that you are loved.   Yes this is always a issue for me.  The feeling of being all alone sometimes gets overwhelming.  So I told her a few freezer meals would be helpful. Like one or two.   And Wow I was amazed at who came out to support me.  So many great people went above and beyond. I had people call me that went through a similar situation and give me tips and tricks on how to get through this better.  A sweet friend  brought me a care package for the hospital the night before.  This really touched my heart.  As well as my friends that brought me my favorite bunt cake, cards, and text ed me often just to make sure I was doing good and to let me know they are here if I needed them to take the boys.  My heart has been full of love and gratitude in such a dark time there were so many people here to say they care.  My sweet friends from high school who I'm so glad we have have kept in contact all these years were also contacting me and letting me know they are praying for me.  I love the power of face book, texting and e-mail.  It's such a wonderful way to stay in contact with people who live so far away.
  I was watching this hospital show and Dr. Oz who is a heart surgeon said that he always asks people just before they go under "who loves you." and when he was asked why he said. Because the people who know someone here is wanting them to come out of this and continue living fight harder to get through this.  Love is such a amazing gift.  I'm so grateful for all the people that prayed for me and loved me through this.  I learned that while being private is OK, and not always asking for help is OK, I need to allow people into my life.  I'll never change and be someone who likes being the center of attention, nor will I ever be that person who calls and asks for favors. But I realized I can't do it all on my own and sometimes it's OK to ask for help.

4.  My kids are the best.  It's been  tough for them.  I tried to plan a few things like camps, summer swim team ect for them.  Our usual summer days consisted of them watching WAY to much T.V. and playing way to much x-box. Eating tons of cold cereal and some days they didn't go out side other then a little walk around the block. I went  a big crazy letting them do these things but knew that I didn't have much of a choice.  Josh took great care of Gavin.  And they were very cooperative  with my Mom and sisters.  I thought they would be crazy staying in the house. They did have a few meltdowns but for the most part they were so helpful and handled this all very well.    Josh was and is so protective of me.  One day when my Mom and Ryan had to go to the store they put Josh in charge of me to check in on  me if I needed anything.  Every 15 mins I heard my bedroom door open and he peeked in. Twice he covered me up and kissed me on the fore head. And I even heard him tell Trevor "Mom is so cute when she sleeps."  Best moment ever.  I think they learned that they can do things on their own and Mom doesn't always need to help them find their shoes, socks, clothes etc.  I also learned that when push comes to shove the boys can work together to help each other out.  And that it's actually great to have a brother.


While I never ever want to go through this again. I'm so grateful for the wonderful experiences that came out of this.  I felt all the prayers and love and didn't realize how much I needed that. And i'll always be greatful for the lessons I learned.